Do You Have the Spiritual Gift of Shepherding? There are times when couples will have to expend energy for the relationship’s health, doing things that they, in their natural capacity, have no desire to do, either because of irritation, disappointment or just apathy. The marriage relationship has three major components: the husband, the wife, AND the relationship. Start the free five-part video course called, “Cherish Your Spouse”, and gain a deeper level of connection with your spouse. Ladies, if your husband’s success was proportional to your admiration of him—and the communication of that admiration—how successful will he be? Applaud what we do right, and we’ll try harder to please. MissionFinder: Find Your Mission, Change The World. Then the relationship’s health will be guarded and preserved. If you are married, assess the aroma of your marital relationship before God. By: Dave Willis . Roger’s face was the picture of disappointment, discouragement, and general grief. The husband is not to take on the role of the dictator, but should show respect for his wife and her opinions. They want to know they are number one with you. I and hubby run a marriage/family NGO. In our situation, I went off to work while my wife stayed home and cared for our children. Someone said the wife/mother is the thermostat of the home? Most men do not know how to function in a highly emotional context. I previously shared 7 of the greatest needs of a wife, based on personal observation and experience working with married couples.. Today I continue with the man’s side of the needs. Dear Rita had missed a very important concept in her understanding of Christianity. Ladies, does your husband ever feel responsible for your emotions that are completely out of his control? As a Christian husband, the strength I (Joe) need in order to carry out these responsibilities ultimately flows out of my relationship with God. We want to help you do just that. If you want him to lead, ask yourself, are you willing to follow if he does? I know this can be an ouch statement, but men want their wives to be their wife, and not their mother! Our expectations are closely linked with our goals. USA & Canada: 1-800-553-GROW (4769) Copyright © 2010, Joe and Cindi Ferrini. A Biblical Goal for Marriage. Copyright © 2020, Bible Study Tools. Do You Have the Spiritual Gift of Exhortation? Men, that is my list. So, when our wives are upset, we panic. Here are 7 of the greatest needs of a man. Do You Have the Spiritual Gift of Giving? Each one needs to know with absolute certainty that we love them. P.O. An emotional release – I saved the hardest for last. I too have given my life to Christ, since a child, and He is my Lord.”, Rita continued, “No, you see, He is everything to me. It is a challenge to spend both quality and quantity time with the other children. If that’s true, how comfortable are we living? If it were cared for, nurtured, and treated tenderly, it could be strong and healthy. What would you add? Yes, it takes time. Roger and Rita sat across from each other in the wing-backed chairs in my office. Our dates were also opportunities to talk, ask questions, and sometimes just to listen to them. We move into a “fixing” mode, which is usually counter-productive. If our wife is always commenting on the sexier man in the movies or the more successful man in the world, we certainly will not feel admired. As the kids grew, my time with them might include helping with homework, playing video games or just talking. Ephesians 5:33 says, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” God knew what He was talking about. When one or more of children have special needs, you can be certain that a wife’s daily responsibilities have been full and challenging. Proud member
When so much time is spent caring for the child(ren) with special needs, it’s easy to lose track of our other children’s needs. He’ll need to brag to someone. Peace and Tranquility — I get in trouble with this one, but men want their home to be a place to prepare for the world—they want to be able to relax. While they had been married 15 years, it was clear they were emotionally isolated and vastly different in their individual moods. We lead by serving and often that serving is … We are sorry that this was not useful for you! This dependent’s welfare is gravely affected by the care the other residents in the marriage give to it. You may also copy the URL (link in your browser) to the actual article online and share that with others, so they may read the article also. Ladies, you want your husband to love you unconditionally. Customers Outside the USA (Click Here) Joe has practiced general dentistry for 31 years; Cindi founded Creative Management Fundamentals and has written several publications. As a Christian husband, the strength I (Joe) need in order to carry out these responsibilities ultimately flows out of my relationship with God. Article Images Copyright © 2020 Getty Images unless otherwise indicated. Have Focus on the Family resources helped you or your family? Do You Have the Spiritual Gift of Administration? What does it mean to cherish your spouse? Tears filled his eyes when he described their evenings, with Rita shut up in her bedroom, engrossed in her books, telephone, and music. The Christian’s ultimate goal should not be to have a “good” marriage, but to be godly in his or her marriage. We demonstrate to our children that we care for them by making them a priority. Acceptance/Participation – Husbands aren’t really looking for a wife who will try to change them. 4:30-5:2.). The Key to a Healthy Family, Part 1: Bonding, Building Family Values: Using the Tools of Bonding and Boundaries, God Wants You to Know Him on a First-Name Basis. Salem Media Group. I previously shared 7 of the greatest needs of a wife, based on personal observation and experience working with married couples. God's Expectations of Husband and Wife Relationships in our homes have the power to bring either glory to God or grief to God. All rights reserved. As a result, we were able to demonstrate God’s unconditional love and grace to each other and to the children, and become an example to those around us. Focus on the Family has created a free five-part video course called "Cherish Your Spouse." I’d take the kids for walks in nice weather or play in the backyard. It takes time and discipline to maintain, especially with the many obstacles that cross our path – in my case, raising a child with special needs. A Christian husband and father spends time living with his wife and family (1 Pet. So be sure that your expectations of your husband are joined with what’s realistic. Ladies, are you allowing your husband to sense your satisfaction in his abilities to lead? It’s been my observation that many men are overwhelmed by the responsibility of being the husbands and fathers God has called them to be. I discovered my spiritual gifts…now what? Basically, God tells us over and over to live a life of love (Eph. “Mrs. The Bible tells husbands to love their wives in a very special way, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up of her…” (Ephesians 5:25 ESV). You probably aren’t always extremely “lovable.” (I can say that through my blog where I’d be afraid to say it in person—but you know it’s true.) Used by permission. These 8 Expectations for a Great Marriage may help too. Every man feels this internal pressure to excel. Admiration – Men want to be desirable to their wives. As we ask God to empower us as men, we can give our children not just an inheritance, but a heritage. Do you cherish your spouse? You don’t have to love golf, but to know that the lower score is the better is a great plus when we come home after a good game. Raising a child with special needs, while at the same time nurturing my relationship with my wife, requires that I make time to communicate with my wife every day. We need to be successful at least one place in our life. Team Ministry: Everyone at Your Church Meeting Needs, What We Believe about Eschatology (End Times), What We Believe About The Holy Trinity: God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, 8 Foundational Doctrines of the Christian Faith, Spiritual Gifts and the Fruit of the Spirit Declare the Presence of The Holy Spirit, 8 Reasons Why All Christians Should Know Their Spiritual Gifts. Do You Have the Spiritual Gift of Mercy-Showing? When expectations are unclear, unhealthy, unspoken or unmet, one or both spouses can start to feel neglected, inadequate and/or frustrated with the marriage. As a dad, I once dreamed of playing sports with a son – maybe even coaching – but because that wasn’t to be, I found other ways to “connect” with Joey. Cindi appreciated this time alone without worrying about the needs of the children; time alone to think without the noise and commotion that she’d endured all day long; time for an evening out with friends to simply “get away.” Taking care of the kids was a way for me to serve my wife, letting her know that I was committed to her and cherished her. Recognizing that fact was the first step toward realizing that no matter what kind of day I had, my wife “had a day,” too! It requires a moment-by-moment dependence on God’s Spirit. Our regular dates included restaurants, local events and festivals, the zoo, walks, jogs, movies, ice cream and other fun things. Do You Have the Spiritual Gift of Evangelism? As a husband, and as the father of a special needs adult child, it’s a daily challenge to stay focused when the challenges of caregiving collide with the needs of my wife and other children. Joe and Cindi Ferrini married in 1979 and are members of FamilyLife’s National Speaker Team. The wife should allow her husband to make some mistakes and not criticize us when we can’t do something as well as you can (which we know is many things!). Does it bring Him sorrow or pleasure? Yet we have this assurance: that “nothing is impossible with God” (Luke 1:37). And keep communicating and forgiving him along the way. I don't have any lofty expectations and guess what - that's great - because if I had any they wouldn't get met anyway. Plus, and this is so important to understand, nagging never accomplishes what the wife hopes it will. The Christian view of leadership demands to serve. Be able to lead – Most men want to lead in their home, but don’t really know how. We set goals for those things we desire, which we believe are attainable. If your husband calls himself a Christian. Share your story today and inspire others! We can’t let the obstacles of life get in the way of building a strong marriage. Do we meet all your expectations in a man? Most important is the husband-wife relationship. When we leave a godly legacy, we can look back with great satisfaction. I would even be emphatic and say every time. Dear Christian husband and father, you are the chief servant in your home. well said. (Can you women tell we have shallow and fragile egos?). While our individual character is important, it is best revealed in our relationships with others. Rita began the explanation of their scenario. As Jesus Christ promised to be with us always, so a man should invest a lot of quality time with his family. Men want to know that they are respected by their wives above every other person. Neither does he in the area of respect. Cultivating relationships with each child requires time, discipline and intentionality. It requires a moment-by-moment dependence on God’s Spirit. He bagan to disclose his feelings of hurt over Rita’s criticism of him not being college educated, but being a blue-collar worker. Ladies, would your husband say you’re his biggest fan? When we fail to sacrificially love our wife as Christ loved the Church (Ephesians 5:25), we begin to compromise this most cherished relationship. Paul David Tripp: The Bible reveals that we are kingdom-minded people, and we either live in service to the kingdom of self to serve the kingdom of God. If you received the article in an email, there are links at the bottom to share through email and social media. Men, that is never an excuse for laziness! Thank you for this wonderful article. Do You Have the Spiritual Gift of Prophecy? Spending time with them goes a long way toward making them feel protected and loved.