Eh? Said preferences may be indicative of classism or ableism, or many kinds of other -isms, that we have always had bubbling below the surface. In the end, you can’t stop randos from being randos. or if there is some class stuff (I’ve never met an upper-class man with a ponytail). Don’t need another husband, happy with the one I’ve got, but I could totally use those awesome skills for the ‘personal statement’ part of my CV. Considering the vast majority of users don’t fully read profiles until after they start talking to someone they find interesting, maximize time to your advantage, empower yourself to be the initiator and have at it. Can you please do one of these for jobs instead of partners? I think our bookshelves should date. I didn’t waste time with things that didn’t interest me and had resolved that I’d rather be single than waste my time. “too sharp and exclusionary” Some of them are going to use that profile to represent themselves really well and see who messages. Because of this, many people don’t always want to recognize what they want much less express it to someone else, who can then potentially let them down.”. Saying what you want is actually a powerful tool to end a fight. When my first relationship ended after going a decade plus, flipping what was missing led to a list for me with items like wants to spend time with me in public, respects my knowledge of myself, wants to make out with me, compatible worldviews, and so on. Yeah. I haven’t looked at dating sites in ages (not since I was working on a thesis project ages ago) and one thing that I found immediately distasteful (besides Ayn Rand, “no fat chix,” fedoras for no good reason and professions of being a really Nice Guy to whom the bitches just don’t give a chance) were multiple egregious grammar and spelling errors. Amen. A–Someone who doesn’t ask me that question. Oh man yeah! Most partners can relate to this feeling and most will feel moved by your openness. and I’m like… maybe this is a boyfriend or girlfriend shaped hole. I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. CA’s advice is on point, but OKCupid should stop that nonsense if they haven’t already. If their way is one that you find pointless or bland or repugnant, clearly they are not the person for you, and that is okay. If I’m ever in the online dating pool again I have some really great weed out filters to use. Block/delete The Unworthy. Yes! I think the follow-up to that is not making the emotional weight of your decision be borne by the people you are (or aren’t) dating, and being clear on what you’re looking for. Thank you for submitting it. It’s okay to have fun with this. And, if I say I’m open to something casual then it reads as ‘I have no self-worth, this is an open invitation for you to use me for sex without any regard for my feelings or basic human decency’ (100% nope). You think a good evening would be scouting out a grocery store and making an ambitious recipe together. Of course, it’s natural to want to feel love and connection, but there’s an important difference between saying what you want as an adult and feeling like a dependent child whose survival depends on your partner giving you what you need. (I’m probably going to be diving into the dating world again soon, and I’m totally going to use this. Regardless, it doesn’t mean they’re doing it wrong, it means they’re doing it their way. “I’m a peach of a girl, Figure out what you want. Ultimately, IME, people will project all over your answer no matter what it is, and see in it whatever they want or expect to see, so it really doesn’t matter what you say. Mostly dating doesn’t feel worth the anxiety, especially since it’s rare for me to be romantically interested in anyone.